If you're going through Hell...

Keep on going.
Don't slow down
If you're scared don't show it
you might get out
'fore the devil even knows you're there.



Comfort.

Here we go again....

I have been denying it to myself, but it is undeniable. The hip pain is back. It may be sciatic nerve related. Very painful. I see the pain clinic on Friday, and will see if they can do anything. I need to have imaging done.

Joy, spasm in my lower back.

Pain

I just want... the pain... to end.

How many times have you said this to yourself? I know I repeat the phrase pretty often. If only the pain would let up, if only, if only.

I don't know that I deserve the pain to let up, I don't know that I take well enough care of myself. If I took better care of myself, I wouldn't have these problems.

This is flawed thinking, but I get stuck in loops of it. It is hard to address.

SCD and Gluten Free Links

SCD Lifestyle is the easier of the websites to understand. It talks about all sorts of digestive trouble, and one of the writers has celiacs.

http://www.scdlifestyle.com/
http://breakingtheviciouscycle.info/
http://www.glutenfreesociety.org/

Fibromyalgia's Cruel Take on Sleep

Chronic pain and fatigue are my main symptoms, which, of course the covers a lot of ground, but there are a lot of symptoms! I don't know anyone with fibro who doesn't have trouble sleeping, even though a big part of it is being tired. Its a cruel joke, really. "You're tired, but you can't sleep! No, no, no!" Its hard to say of the sleep issues cause the fatigue, or if the fatigue causes the pain causes the sleep issues. I think sometimes both happen, just depending on the day.

I woke up at 2:45 this morning, in pain all over. I got up and made a cup of decaf, and stretched a bit. I'm still waiting for the pain to subside, though I am feeling a bit better, its not better enough to fall back asleep. This is continuing a cycle that I've had set up for several years now of sleeping in the day and waking up too early in the morning.

ETA: I had a photo shoot yesterday, and was squatting and popping up, hence the hip/thigh pain!

Cleaning Schedule

I've recently, yes, its true, become interested in keeping a clean house. LOL. Not that I was "dirty" before, but I really want my house to be clean now. I'm using primarily Pine-sol (lavender scented!) diluted to clean, with some lysol and things thrown in for kicks. I plan to switch to home made natural cleaners, though, in the near future (aka. when the pine sol is gone!)

Here is what I'm thinking for my cleaning schedule to start:

Daily:
Dishes! (I've got to get better at this!)
Counters in Kitchen, bathrooms
15 minute "once over" on picking up stuff, organizing, etc
Dinner thaw/cook

Weekly:
Monday-Mop hard floors, Deep clean kitchen
Tuesday-Hubs work uniforms, sheets and my laundry
Wednesday-Vacuum carpets, clean bathrooms
Thursday-Pick up all "Piles o' crap"
Friday-play day! yay!
Saturday-Hubs work uniform laundry, finish all laundry
Sunday-Meal planning, shopping for groceries, putting them away, yadda yadda

Monthly-
Baseboards
Fan blades
Dust all furniture

Now I can make a cute print and get this habit going. I guess today I'll mop and clean the kitchen, since it is Monday after all. Laundry days, Fridays and Sundays I can play catch up if I haven't done something the prior day, so there's lots of room left in here for flexibility, which I definitely need.

Feeling Better, Cleaning Checklist, and STILL quitting smoking

I can't believe how much better I'm feeling over all! Good days alternate with bad, which is a lot better than a sorta good day every once in a while. We moved, which is of course the biggest change. Plus I've been very active, and cleaning more the last few weeks. I think the old house was toxic to me, maybe meth, or mold, or both!

I'm getting ready to actually start making some daily goals. Its been a LONG time since I've allowed myself to do this, because bad days were so frequent that there was no way I would get daily things accomplished, now I am pretty sure I can though. I plan to start with a small cleaning checklist, and add to it as I feel even better.

I'm still working on quitting smoking, I haven't given up! I've still got the cravings pretty bad, but I switched off of cigarettes to mini cigars, like swishers or phillies. They are awful looking but taste pretty good, the sweets and strawberry flavors anyway! I am also using an ecigarette. This combo seems to be allowing me to wean off the nicotine without actually smoking cigarettes. Great combo!