A thought.

Laying on the floor, feeling tears slip into my hair, laughing at my freedom.

I feel...

I feel very alone, right now. But its not all together unpleasant. Eating dinner alone kinda sucked, but I'm getting used to that. I'm not sure why, but it has kicked in right about my normal bed time. I had a late cup of coffee, so I'm up a bit later than normal (It will be 9PM in a few minutes...). 

I think about the things I do, and the things I want to do and accomplish in my life. And how the things I do on a daily basis impact future goals. I'm trying to sort these ideas out, right now, and am not really sure what my goals are. I value daily contentment over most things or treats. I would rather be content on a daily basis, than scrimp for a fabulous vacation once a year. I'm not sure that expresses the feeling accurately, but its pretty close. 

This has been a crazy, hectic, hard year. So far, I was ill, my dad passed, my nephew was burned, I was ill, we got married (yay!), we moved, DH was pulled out of work for medical reasons, and we moved again. And I was ill again. But, the funny part about it, is that my art has made new breakthroughs. I am making quilts, expressive embellished quilts. And I love the medium. I never gave it a chance before, I think. 

My life is hard, my art is better. Funny, that.

I'll get this right, some time

I've had a rough first few days on the diet. I am craving sugar most of all, gluten not so much. Also craving salt a bit. No trouble leaving out the milk (except for a cheetos incident!)

I don't feel down on myself for not doing perfectly this week. Life is a journey... Health is a journey, not a destination. I think I'm fully over my anxiety spell, just in time for a round of hellish headaches. I finally got this one to mostly subside with a dose of coffee and a strong NSAID. I don't like taking the NSAIDs with my stomach surgery, but sometimes I gotta.

The Circle of Life

Coming home today, from a much needed chiropractor appointment, I saw a grasshopper being eaten by ants. Just now, I witnessed a one legged grasshopper jump 3 feet. Go figure, right?

Rockin' on and cooking

I have finally made the decision to get my health in hand, and start a gluten, casein (milk), and sugar free diet. I'm doing the weightloss surgery 5 Day Pouch Test first, and using it to transition into a more structured diet. Right now, I've got stock going, and the chicken from it is seriously delicious. I also have sausage and pumpkin soup on the stove. Here are links to the two recipes:

http://heal-balance-live.blogspot.se/2009/10/chicken-stock.html
http://www.5daypouchtest.com/recipes/days1_2a.html#pumpkin

The Death of John Wrana

I am shocked and appalled. Google John Wrana, go ahead, come back and I'll wait.


....


Disgusting. Depraved. Disillusioned.



[Gross misconduct]
After researching this incident, I believe the police were in the wrong. His death was ruled as a homicide by the medical director, due to the beanbag rounds in the gut. The cops killed an old man. 95. In his chair. With only a cane and shoehorn confirmed as "weapons." Seriously people. This is making me sick to my stomach. Weapons of mass destruction, they arent, but 5-7 policemen in riot gear turned out to eventually shoot him due to a knife being pulled. That the staff insists did not happen. There was no knife found.

[Depraved]
Do I believe the officers targeted him due to his WWII veteran status? No, I do not. Do I believe he was a spirited old man, perhaps going to hurt himself-but no one else? Yes. This means any of us are in danger. Without knowing a man's background, it cannot be expressed as the cause, as some news blog sites are implying.

[Blind]
I am so naive, and I am ill, sick to my stomach at this incident. I cannot imagine (except perhaps with a talent, health, and a throwing knife) how the cops felt compelled to taser the man. What was said as the man was yelling? Why-beyond refusing surgery-should he have died. I can think of no instance in which this death, premature, is justified. Even if in an alternate reality, he died that next day on the operating table, his homicide, murder, man killing man, will not be forgotten.



.....

RIP John Wrana. You deserve it.

No one to share my victory with

Sometimes, being wakeful at 3am is a bad thing. I just finished prepping an order of 3 to ship today, and there is no one awake to share the victory with. I had to force myself into it, and it was hard, but I got it done. Go me.